Different Universes in Relationships

Relationships are very tricky things. As human beings, our natural inclination is towards companionship, towards joining ourselves with other people so that we will not have to be alone. However, it is also in human nature to be quite selfish sometimes. We automatically think of our needs and desires, and categorize them as the most important. It is very easy for us to think that because we think and feel, act, and show love a certain way, everyone else must do things that way to.

            However this is very much not true. Every person we come into contact with is their own unique individual, with their own way of doing things and perceiving the world. This might turn out to be very different from the way in which you operate. And that is okay. It is perfectly possible for two very different people to be very happy and healthy together. Both parties just have to understand they way the other person operates, and that there are three different universes of self that must be dealt with when you are in a relationship with another person.

1.    The Universe of Yourself

Obviously there is the universe of yourself. You are a unique person with wants, fears, dreams, desires, thoughts, and actions. It is important, even within the context of a relationship, to honor these things. Even though you are with another person, You are still you. Honor yourself, do things just for you that make you happy and fulfill yourself as an individual. It is very easy in a relationship to let this area fall to the wayside, Everything becomes about the two of you together, and yourself as an individual entity feels less important and less deserving of your time and attention. Although this is an easy trap to fall into, it will only work to make you feel unfulfilled, dependent, and possibly eventually resentful of your partner.

2.    The Universe of Your Partner

Just like you, your partner is an individual person with a universe of their own outside of you and your relationship. And just like you, it is important for them to honor this side of them, and not let it fall to the wayside. This can be hard at first. But letting your partner honor themself as an individual does not mean being separate from them. It does not mean you don’t care about all of them and their life, or that they don’t care about all of you and want you to be a part of all of them. It just means that they are honoring themselves, and making sure that they are taking care of all of them, just as you should be. A mark of a healthy relationship is allowing your partner to thrive and be 100% themselves within the context of your relationship. No relationship should be completely all consuming or co-dependent. It is healthy to have lives outside of the other, and it is important to respect that.

3.    The Universe of You Two Together

While each of you is your own separate person, when you come together in a relationship, you form a whole new universe, one of the two of you together. While honoring each person as an individual, it is still possible to come and form something beautiful that is completely together. You do this by understanding the other person, and creating a bond of love, trust, and mutual respect.  It means understanding that your partner may show love differently, or may communicate differently than you do, being okay with that, and learning to honor the way he or she does things. It means sharing all of yourself with the other person, good and bad, and trusting them to hold it safely for you. It means making an active effort to show them how much you care about them, and to keep your romance alive.