This Valentines Day, Let Yourself be Loved

When you don't feel great about yourself, and don't have a strong foundation of self love, the whole idea of other people loving you can be pretty foreign and even downright frightening. When all you see is negative, it is hard to imaging anyone else seeing you as positive and beautiful and amazing. Because of this, Valentines day can be a hard and triggering day.

This year though, it doesn't have to be.

Even if you are struggling to love yourself tomorrow, that does not mean that you are not loved. Even though you cannot see it, that does not mean that all of the people in your life who love you do not see you to be beautiful, talented, kind, smart, and lovely. Trust me, the people in your life who love you think that you are all of these things and many more. 

So tomorrow, let  yourself go for a little while. Let all of the expectations of self-doubt and self-hatred fall away. instead, fall into the people who love you, and try to trust them when they show you just how absolutely amazing you are. Because even though you cant see it, it is so true.

Valentines Day and every other day, you are so lovely, and so so loved.

Thanks for reading and have a great day tomorrow.

30 Positive Things to Tell Yourself When You Look in the Mirror

So often when we look in the mirror, our first instinct is to jump to what we don't like about ourselves. Thoughts of how fat we look, how ugly our face is, how bad our outfit looks, etc. seem to be the first ones that come to mind. Just think of how negatively affected our whole day is when its starts out with such negative messages!

Instead of these negative thoughts, here are 30 ideas of positive things you can say to yourself when you look in the mirror.

1. I look beautiful!
2. My legs look great in these pants/skirt/dress/whatever
3. My face is glowing
4. My legs are so strong
5. My smile is radiant
6. My eyes bright and beautiful
7. I am worth so much
8. I am confident, capable, and amazing!
9. I am happy in my own skin
10. I fully approve of who I am
11. I see perfection in all of my flaws
12. My body is so good to me! Thank you body!
13. My stomach is so lovely and feminine
14. My body is a temple, I want to treat it with love and respect
15. It is perfectly okay for me to like myself
16. Hating myself is not my identity
17. My arms look strong and amazing in this outfit!
18. my face is beautiful with tons of makeup, and equally beautiful with no makeup at all
19. I am stronger than my urges to hate myself
20. I am stronger than my urges to hurt myself
21. My life doesn't start when I look a certain way, my life is now
22. My body is a vessel for my amazingness
23. My body can do so many amazing things for me
24. Belly, thank you for holding my organs and keeping them safe
25. Thighs, thank you for carrying me
26. Face, thank you for shining my soul out on the world
27. My nose allows me to smell. It is perfect!
28. Even if I don't see how beautiful I am right now, so many other people do. That counts for something!
29. I am perfect inside and out!
30. Thank you body for always loving me! I love you too!

When you go to say these things, good chance is that at first you won't believe them. They will sound foreign and strange coming out of your mouth, and it may even make you very angry and upset trying to say them. The part inside of you that hates yourself may fight vehemently for you not to say these things at all. That's okay. Keep saying them. Say them even when it hurts and sucks and makes you so upset. Eventually it will get easier. Eventually, little by little, you will come to believe the words you are saying, until the negative words are the ones that are foreign and upsetting. Eventually, with work and persistence, self-love will come naturally to you, and will be your first instinct. 

If that doesn't sounds exciting, I don't know what does.

Thanks for reading lovelies!

The Myth Of Starting Over

"....You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another." 

When I came to school I had the notion that I was starting over. After all the experiences of high school, I was ready to just get away from it all, from anything I had known or associated with myself. It was going to be a completely different place, all new people, new experiences, new everything. Including a whole new me. 

And I had so many plans for what this new me would be like and what she would do. She was going to be completely recovered, No way her eating disorder was going follow her to college and make things difficult for her there. She was going to be more positive, more outgoing, funnier and more easily able to talk to and influence people. She was going to work out every day and eat only fruits and veggies and feel great about herself. 

More importantly, This whole new Delaney was not going to fall into the old habits that had haunted her throughout high school. She wasn't going to depend on people, she wasn't going to need validation, she wasn't going to lie about how she was doing, she wasn't going to allow others to take advantage of her, or push her boundaries, or anything else. Mostly, she was just going to be better, stronger, healthier, and happier in every way.

Don't get me wrong. I think that college is an amazing time to push your limits, step out of your comfort zone and improve yourself in innumerable ways. Since coming to college, I have been more confident. I've been more outgoing, easy with conversation, and funnier. For the most part, I have been doing a lot better in my eating disorder, and my relationships have been healthier and happier than any in my life. I have improved myself constantly and greatly. But I'm still the same person that I was back in Florida. 

Sure I have improved fantastically since coming to school, but I am still the same person. I still have the same insecurities, the same vulnerabilities and the same weaknesses. Those things aren't going to go away overnight just because I changed my location. A change of scenery can help me to gain confidence to make the changes I need to in my life, but I still have to actively work everyday to make those changes. Simply removing myself from negative influences of my past isn't enough. The old habits and patterns I had in high school were there because, even though they weren't healthy, they worked, and they suited me and how my mind functioned at the time. Even though I am no longer in the same space,  I am still the same person with the same mind. I still need to work to form new and healthier habits.

Moving across the country for school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but not because it allowed me to start over and become a whole new person. It is one of the best decisions Ive ever made because it gave me courage to make some of the crucial and amazing changes I have made in myself since coming here. While at college, I have been able to put in the work and improve myself in many amazing ways.

So, if you go away to school and are upset that you still seem to be the same person that you thought you left behind back home, don't worry! That person will always be with you. But right here and now, wherever you are, you have the power to change, and to make yourself whoever you want to be.

Thanks for reading!

Self Care Practice: Take a Walk

Walking is a great self care practice because it offers countless benefits, both physically and mentally. taking even just a 10, 20, or 30 minute walk during the day can do great things for your body and mind. Some of these benefits include:

• Getting our blood pumping and endorphins flowing to our brains, which on a purely physiological level can make us happier and more positive.
• Getting outdoors and experiencing the sun, fresh air, and other benefits that come from stepping outside instead of staying indoors all day.
• Getting out of our everyday situation can give us new perspective on our problems, and a new way of thinking.
• Getting outside can also allow us to take a break from the stressors of the world, and focus on cultivating a positive mindset.
• It is a great opportunity to practice mindfulness and slowing down our busy minds.
• It allows us to notice the beautiful aspects of our world, and practice gratefulness for every good thing in our world and our life.
• It makes us feel connected to nature and to the world as a whole, putting perspective in out lives and compassion for the world around us.

Walking allows these and many other benefits, and only takes a few minutes out of our day to accomplish. Heres what you can do:

• Set aside time in your day to walk with no distractions.
• Walk slowly and purposefully. 
• Try to focus on:
• Your breathe
• The feel of your body as it moves
• How your feet feel against the ground
• The sights you see, things you hear, things you smell.
• All beautiful things you pass
• Try not to focus on your life or problems. Do not think of the past or the future. Slow and clear your mind and focus on right now.

Practicing this act of self-care everyday, or even a couple of times a week, can help you to reconnect with your authentic self and put perspective on the rest of your busy life. It can make you feel more grounded and capable of tackling whatever the day has in store for you. 

I hope that this practice can help you all to feel more grounded and positive in the days to come.

Thanks for reading lovelies!

Reframing Negative Self-Talk

For some reason it seems to be my (and many other people's) first instinct to jump to the negative. Whenever something happens that doesn't go exactly as planned, suddenly I am stupid, a failure, and silly for even trying. When I look in the mirror, instead of seeing the good, all too often the first thoughts that come to my mind are all the things that I don't like, and all the things I would like to change.

As ingrained as they seem, it is possible to change these patterns of negative self-talk. Actively noticing when negative thoughts appear in your mind and looking at them without judgment is the first step. After this, it is possible to combat those negative thoughts, and reframe them to be more positive and helpful to you and your growth. Right now, your mind's first instinct is to jump to the negative, but with enough practice and reframing, it is possible to rewire your brain to instead focus on positive and uplifting messages, and have those be the first that come to mind.

Here are some examples of thoughts that I and you may often have, and ways to reframe them to become more positive:

Thought: My thighs look huge in these pants! They are so fat and disgusting.

Reframe: My thighs are strong, muscular, and beautiful! They allow me to run, jump, and do so many things that I love and make me happy.   

Thought: I am so awkward talking to new people. I never know what to say. I am horrible in social situations. 

Reframe: I am good with people! I may not always know what to say, but I am a good listener, and people tell me that I am fun to be around, and that my smile lights up a room.

Thought: My stomach is so fat! It is not flat and toned, I wish I were thinner.

Reframe: My stomach is soft and beautiful! It is the home of all the organs that keep me alive, and so it is great that I take care of it! It is feminine and soft and majestic! 

Thought: I feel horrible and disgusting when I eat three meals a day. I wish I had the self control to eat less.

Reframe: I am strong and brave for taking care of myself and giving my body what it needs. I should be proud of how well I am treating my body by feeding it. My body responds by loving, treating me well, and allowing me to live and thrive. 

Thought: I should have known the answer to that question! I am so stupid!

Reframe: I don't have to get every answer right to be smart. I am an amazing and intelligent woman/man, and No test or school question could ever prove my worth.

Thought: I relapsed! I am a failure!

Reframe: No one expects me to be perfect, and I don't have to be. I am doing the very best I can, and that is enough. I am so strong and brave for trying again and continuing on. I am proud of me. 

Remember when you find negative thinking creeping into your mind, it is up to you and in your power to change it. You can reframe your thoughts, and make you mind more positive and uplifting. We are what we think we are. By changing your thinking, you can create any sort of life you imagine, you can be and achieve anything that you can think yourself to be.

I hope all of you lovelies have a wonderful day, and remember how amazing you are. If you don't remember, tell those negative voices in your mind to shut up, and make yourself believe it again!

Thanks for reading!

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

A little while ago in therapy we did an exercise where I was forced to imagine my life in 6 months, a year, and five years, still acting on eating disorder behaviors. This is something that I never think about, at least not in concrete terms. When I think of the future, somehow I am always recovered and fulfilled, happy and living a life I enjoy. My eating disorder is never a part of it.

The thing is though, five years ago, when I was thinking about my life five years down the road, I never imagined my eating disorder would still be a part of my life now. I always assumed in some abstract sense that somehow in the time between then and now I would recover, and things would just be different, happier, better. I didn’t know exactly how that would happen; I simply always assumed that it would.

            Now, I am not trying to say that I have come nowhere in the last five years, because I know that I am eons from where I used to be. But thinking about still acting on eating disorder behavior five more years down the road really terrified me. Picturing that future, it is so easy to imagine how I would get there, so concrete and simple. I know exactly the steps I would have to take, and they are very easy steps to take, steps that are familiar and that I am very good at. When I think of the future I want to have, it is so much less clear. It is fuzzy, not as easily imaginable. Although I know a lot of the aspects I want in it, some of the things I want to do and be five years down the road, it is not so concrete as the other future. I don’t really know how to get there, all the steps I need to take. Just that it will be a much harder future to get to.

            This scares me. It scares me a lot. I know how easy it would be to fall into that other future, the one that I have never allowed myself to picture, the one that makes me sick just thinking of. It is the exact same way I allowed the future of five years ago to become the present. It would be so thoughtless, and so easy, and so concrete in my head, and I can see it happening. However, The other future, the one I want so badly, will take so much more thought, determination, hard work, and many many conscious decisions on my part not to let that other future slip back in.  Because I know that if I’m not conscious of it, and let myself be vulnerable to it for even a moment, it will be there, and I will be in jeopardy of losing the future I truly want for myself.

            This activity in therapy was really a wake up call. If I don’t want that other future to become my reality I need to fight for what I really do want. It is so easy to make excuses for the short term. “Oh just this one last time and then I will be done” “No one will know, it wont make a difference” “I will start over tomorrow”. But if you allow these short-term decisions to undermine your resolve, they will easily turn into long term consequences. Suddenly it is just one last time, and one last time, and before you know it its five years down the road and still just one last time. 

            So, I realize that every single action and decision I make must be purposeful, thoughtful, and dedicated to creating the future I want for myself. That is a hard thing to reconcile with, because it is a lot of work, and a lot of farsighted commitment, and it would be so much easier to simply fall into that future that I can so clearly see.  But that is not what I want for myself, and not what I deserve. So, I am going to make the commitment, and try to live more purposefully, trying to recognize that every action I take right now in the present, is working to create the future one, five, or however many years down the road.

            No one can create the future I want for myself except me, and I cannot create it by doing the same actions that have kept me stuck in the past six years. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Thanks for reading!

Self Care Practice: Using Lotion to Connect With Your Body

Practicing self-care is vital to reconnecting with your emotions and your body, and well as recreating a loving relationship with yourself, and fostering respect, confidence, and compassion in all areas of your life. It is so important to take time in the hectic schedules of our day to day lives for a moment of peace and to reconnect to our spirits. However when we are stressed or struggling with issues that effect mental health, so often these important practices are the first ones that fall to the wayside. This in turn makes us more trapped in the stressful aspects of life, and furthers us from the tranquility, love and compassion that we desire in our lives. Because of this, it is so important to make time every single day, even if it is only for a few minutes, to do something that you love and makes you feel good, whole, at peace, full of love for yourself in the world, and completely connected.

One good way to become connected is to get in touch deeply with our senses. Focusing on different senses completely can calm and clear your mind, and more fully connect you to your physical body, while grounding you in the present moment, and taking your attention away from all external pressures, stresses, and problems. 

Today I am going to talk about how to use lotion to full connect to yourself and your body.

After a calming warm shower, or anytime during your day, applying lotion can be a way of connecting you and grounding you, while at the same time showing tender love and respect for your body, by pampering it and giving it something that makes it feel good, look good, and be compassionately healthy.

Begin by taking the lotion in you hand. Smell it. What does it smell like? Focus all of your energy and thinking on the smell. Is it pleasing? What emotions or feelings does it evoke in you? Take deeps breathes in and out, focusing only on the smell. Let it fill you completely, and take away all outside thought. 

Next, begin to rub the lotion on your body. Focus on the sensations that this creates along your skin. Does it feel smooth? silky? gooey? Is it cold or warm along your skin? How does the moisture feel along your arms or legs, on your hands, in between your fingers? Clothes your eyes and focus all your thought and energy on how the lotion feels on your skin.

Finally, notice how your body feels under you hands. Look at and feel your body with tender compassion and non-judgment, noticing the soft skin, and how it feels against your hands, how it looks in the light. Admire all that your body is and can do, and say thank you. If any judgment comes up, notice it, let it pass by, and do not accept it or be affected by it. Instead, say good things to your body, even if it is hard. My skin is so soft. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am enough. 


This is a practice that I try to do as often as possible, and I hope that all of you lovely people will try this and see how amazing it feels to do good things for yourself and your body. Instead of focusing on the negatives, lets focus on how beautiful, powerful, and amazing our bodies are, and remember to do nice things for them, full of love and compassion.

Have a great day lovelies, thanks for reading!

Two Year Anniversary of Recovery

Today, February 1^st, is a very important day for me. Two years ago is the day I had my first apt with my current therapist, and the day I finally began to get serious about recovery. After having suffered from an eating disorder for over four years and having been in and out of other therapists and nutritionists to not much avail, I remember being absolutely terrified, and feeling not at all ready or able to take the steps needed to finally recover.

            These past two years have been an extremely long journey, full of many ups and down, relapses and triumphs. The one constant though is that I have never given up on my goal of becoming fully recovered and free of this disorder. Looking back, I can hardly even recognize the girl I was two years ago. She was so weak, broken, and beaten down by her eating disorder that she did not know how to fight anymore. She hardly had the will. At my first apt I was hardly able to speak for myself, or articulate how I was feeling or what I wanted or needed. Now, after hundreds of sessions, time spent in an amazing treatment center, and countless self-reflection and hours of hard work, I have learned so much about myself and what I deserve and want out of life. I am well on the road to finally being recovered from this disorder, and being able to help people in the same position that I was two years ago.

            Two years later, the person I am now is strong, Independent, and believes in herself and her recovery more than she ever thought possible. I know I am not recovered yet, and I still have a long way to go, but I am nowhere near where I used to be, and I am so proud of the work I’ve done and the woman I am becoming. There was a time when I honestly never thought I would get here, yet here I am, in Boston, a city which I love at a school I love, working everyday to live life to the fullest and recover and grow more and more every day.

            So much has changed in only two years. Since February 1^st 2013, My life and myself are almost unrecognizable. I am so excited to see what the next two years bring, and how much I am able to grow and change and love and live life to the fullest. Over these past two years I have grown excited again for life and for the future, and I cant wait to see what it will bring.

Today I am so grateful for recovery, and for al the amazing opportunities and people it has brought into my life over the past two years. I am so thankful for the time and life it has given me, and all it has allowed me to live and experience and enjoy and love. Thanks to taking that first step two years ago, my life has been brighter and had more potential than I could ever imagine. I am so so grateful and proud.

Thanks for reading!