The Myth Of Starting Over

"....You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another." 

When I came to school I had the notion that I was starting over. After all the experiences of high school, I was ready to just get away from it all, from anything I had known or associated with myself. It was going to be a completely different place, all new people, new experiences, new everything. Including a whole new me. 

And I had so many plans for what this new me would be like and what she would do. She was going to be completely recovered, No way her eating disorder was going follow her to college and make things difficult for her there. She was going to be more positive, more outgoing, funnier and more easily able to talk to and influence people. She was going to work out every day and eat only fruits and veggies and feel great about herself. 

More importantly, This whole new Delaney was not going to fall into the old habits that had haunted her throughout high school. She wasn't going to depend on people, she wasn't going to need validation, she wasn't going to lie about how she was doing, she wasn't going to allow others to take advantage of her, or push her boundaries, or anything else. Mostly, she was just going to be better, stronger, healthier, and happier in every way.

Don't get me wrong. I think that college is an amazing time to push your limits, step out of your comfort zone and improve yourself in innumerable ways. Since coming to college, I have been more confident. I've been more outgoing, easy with conversation, and funnier. For the most part, I have been doing a lot better in my eating disorder, and my relationships have been healthier and happier than any in my life. I have improved myself constantly and greatly. But I'm still the same person that I was back in Florida. 

Sure I have improved fantastically since coming to school, but I am still the same person. I still have the same insecurities, the same vulnerabilities and the same weaknesses. Those things aren't going to go away overnight just because I changed my location. A change of scenery can help me to gain confidence to make the changes I need to in my life, but I still have to actively work everyday to make those changes. Simply removing myself from negative influences of my past isn't enough. The old habits and patterns I had in high school were there because, even though they weren't healthy, they worked, and they suited me and how my mind functioned at the time. Even though I am no longer in the same space,  I am still the same person with the same mind. I still need to work to form new and healthier habits.

Moving across the country for school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but not because it allowed me to start over and become a whole new person. It is one of the best decisions Ive ever made because it gave me courage to make some of the crucial and amazing changes I have made in myself since coming here. While at college, I have been able to put in the work and improve myself in many amazing ways.

So, if you go away to school and are upset that you still seem to be the same person that you thought you left behind back home, don't worry! That person will always be with you. But right here and now, wherever you are, you have the power to change, and to make yourself whoever you want to be.

Thanks for reading!