Transition to College

In four days I will be leaving my home in Florida, to go to college across the country from where I live, in Boston. As you can imagine, I am beyond excited. I can't wait to get out on my own, gain independence, and start my adult life. I also can't wait to be in an amazing city like Boston. When I decided where I was going to college. I knew all of these things. I know how excited I would be and how much I would love the city. I knew that going away would help me to grow in ways I can't even imagine yet. What I wasn't prepared for however, was just how nervous (borderline terrified honestly)  I would be.

Although when I decided on traveling across the country to go to college I knew how far away it was, and how hard it would be to be without my family, I didn't realize just how hard it would be leaving. I also didn't realize just how scared I would be to be on my own. When conceptualizing college, it is very easy to only see the exciting parts. I had pictures of myself in Boston, out on the town with all my new amazing friends, having the time of my life and feeling confident and wonderful. I imagined that suddenly all of my eating problems would be gone, and essentially, things would be perfect.

As it has gotten closer however, things have started to get a lot more real. Now, instead of having these amazing pictures running through my head, I am seeing myself sitting alone in my room. I am seeing no body liking me, or being shy and awkward around people, and turning them off. I am seeing my eating disorder running rampart and me not being able to get control of it. 

In reality, neither of these visions are true. College is not going to be some amazing fairy tale where everything is perfect, nor is it going to be some hell-hole where nobody like me and everything is terrible. instead, it is going to be somewhere in between. Yes, at the beginning I may be shy and awkward, but that is expected given the situation, and eventually, I will make friends. The first few days I might end up hanging out alone, but eventually, I will make those amazing friends and take on the city. My eating disorder isn't going to be completely gone, but that doesn't mean that I have to let it control me, or that I have to act on it at college. 

I guess I am trying to get across two things. The first is that it is perfectly normal and okay to be absolutely terrified. Every college freshman is, and if they say they aren't they're lying. It is completely new for everyone, and nobody is going to have it all together the first day. If you are awkward and shy, don't beat yourself up, just remember that everyone else is feeling that exact same way that you are, and its okay.

Secondly, college is going to be what you make it. It is honestly entirely up to you. You could very easily end up sitting alone in your room everyday if you choose to isolate yourself from other people. But if you reach out, you will end up taking on whatever place you happen to be in with an amazing group of people who care about you. Remember, everyone is in the exact same place as you, and everyone feels the same way. You are not weird or wrong for being nervous, or shy, or awkward, or terrified. However you are feeling, it is just part of the transition, and it will pass.